Problems in the Bedroom? Sex Tips and Advice for Married Couples

Which came first—the chicken or the egg? There are good arguments for both, which is why the collective population can’t all agree on it. Married couples with sex issues can look at things the same way. Did the sex dry up on its own, or did other issues creep into the bedroom?

Sometimes the answer to that question is very hard to pinpoint. Marriages always have their hard times and their easier times. When we have easier times, things are just floating along. During those times, we may take each other for granted. We probably even take the amount of sex we are having for granted. But then, come the hard times.

Maybe there is a new baby in the mix, or moving to a new city. Perhaps a new job or a death in the family. High levels of stress over a long period of time will zap us all of our energy and zest for life. Sometimes, at the end of the day it feels as if there is nothing left to give. Our marriages—and sex—are low on the priority list.

Unfortunately, sex problems in marriage sometimes gets put on the back burner. And over time when we don’t do it very often, we lose some of our libido. If you are facing problems in the bedroom, here are some bedroom sex tips and advice for married couples to keep in mind:

1) Realize that you are not alone

A surprising number of married couples have sex issues in their marriage. And it’s no wonder—do you think there is any way for every married couple to have the same sex drive? The same beliefs about sex? The same level of inhibitions? No way. Also, it’s no secret that men and women are wired differently, and perhaps it is by design. Working together towards what is really important could be part of what makes marriage so great. If we can come together to solve problems, we can be stronger.

It happens with everyone

If lack of sex is the issue, you’re one of many across the U.S. According to Newsweekmagazine, somewhere between 15-20 percent of couples may be experiencing a “sexless marriage” which some say is having sex less than 10 times per year. In 1994, the US National Health and Society Life Survey reported that 2 percent of married couples were having no sex in the previous year.

The cause of less sex in a marriage could be many things, including issues in the relationship, to different types of sexual dysfunction. According to WebMD, 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men have some degree of sexual difficulty. So, you are definitely not alone. Sex issues in marriage affect a lot of people.

2) It’s okay to talk about sex with your spouse

The thing about sex is, outside of our partners we don’t go into much detail about it. Sure, during a girls night out the subject of bedroom issues may be on the table, but typically it’s just general terms. The nitty gritty is saved for the bedroom. As it should be. This is intimate stuff that should stay between husband and wife.

Except, when couples don’t actually talk about it with each other. And certainly, there are many who don’t. Either they don’t think they need to, or they are embarrassed, aren’t sure it’s ok to talk about, or they don’t quite know how to put words to their feelings. “Maybe I’ll jinx it” or “It’ll resolve itself” may be going through some people’s minds.

Talk  about sex often

If you’ve been married for a long time and the subject has never come up in your pillow talk, then maybe you feel a little silly bringing it up now. You don’t want to make your partner feel bad or that you are unhappy with the way things are going. But this is a very important subject, and we don’t automatically have everything figured out. So it can’t hurt to talk about it—it can only help.

Read More: How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex

If you are having trouble breaking the ice, grab a book about sex and marriage and read it in bed. Most assuredly, there will be questions in the book you can ask your spouse. “What do you think about this question, honey?” It doesn’t have to end up as a long discussion, though eventually, it could. Just test the waters a bit until you both get more comfortable talking about it. Remember, sexual problems in marriages are quite common and there is nothing for you and your partner to be ashamed of. And talking about it really helps you get to the root to the problem. As you see it help your relationship, it will only encourage you to keep talking more about sex with each other.

3) Go on a holiday

Research proves that having a deeper emotional connection with your partner helps you enjoy enhanced intimacy with them. Break the monotony and go on a trip. If there’s a lack of funds for that just take a long walk after dinner, plan a long, special date or enjoy a picnic dinner – anything that gets you both excited. Talking will bond you together and enable you to connect deeper.

4) Try something new

Bedroom sex can get so boring. Don’t let your sex life be so predictable to you or to your spouse. Just because you are married does not mean that you can’t be adventurous in bed. Discuss your desires openly with your partner, try new positions, sex toys and new fantasies.  

5) Don’t be afraid of sex therapy

If there are sex issues in your marriage and you both aren’t sure what to do, one of the best things you can do is go to a sex or marriage therapist.

There is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to sex therapy. Honestly, this just you and your spouse going to a therapist and talking. That’s it. While discussing this particular subject can be awkward at first—remember that your therapist works with many couples with similar issues. Soon their candor will be refreshing as you both open up about your feelings. It will feel very freeing, in fact.

Over the last several years, therapy has become less and less taboo and more widely accepted. According to a poll by Psychology Today, more than 27% of adults sought help from a therapist of some kind in the previous two years from the poll. Of course, that includes all types of issues, including relationship issues. Still, it shows one major thing—that many people rely on the help of a mental health professional.

What can you expect from sex therapy?

Of course, that depends on the therapist, but in general, you are there to discuss your intimacy issues. Sometimes you aren’t sure the root cause of it—in which case the therapist will try to help you figure it out—and other times you know what it is, but you just can’t get past it. Talking about it with a therapist will help you and your spouse comes to a better understanding and hopefully improve your thoughts and beliefs about sex. The ultimate goal is to help your sexual experience with your spouse.

Remember, sex should never be just a physical rush, but a tender, passionate connection. Without the playful, loving companionship, sex becomes another buzz that loses its perspective and that can harm your relationship.

These sex advice for married couples can really help you and your partner gain back the thrill and excitement in your sexual regime that you once experienced.

Cause: https://www.marriage.com/advice/physical-intimacy/problems-in-the-bedroom-sex-tips-and-advice-for-married-couples/

How to Deal With Sex Problems in Marriage

 Many married couples struggle with a lack of sex or issues in the bedroom. In fact, it is estimated that one out of three couples has a sexual desire gap.^[1] According to a study by the National Marriage Project in 2011, happily married couples ranked sex right up there with communication, commitment, and generosity.^[2] If you and your spouse struggle with sexual problems, it might be time to focus on ways to improve your communication, your sexual chemistry, and perhaps seek professional help.

Method-1

                               Improving Your Communication

1.Choose a time when you are both alone and not distracted. Having a conversation about sexual issues can be difficult and awkward, especially if you are both feeling the lack of sexual chemistry in the bedroom. Don’t spring the conversation on your partner when you’re having dinner at a restaurant or surrounded by friends. Look for a time when you are both alone, in a private space, to bring up the topic.

                                     . A good time may be when you are both getting ready for bed, or after                                        you have dinner together at home.

2.  Broach the topic of sex in your marriage. A big part of strengthening the sexual relationship between you and your spouse is maintaining open and honest communication  between you and your spouse. Bringing up the sexual issues in your marriage will show you are trying to make sex a priority in your relationship, instead of an occasional occurrence. ^[4]

• Perhaps you have grown distant from your spouse or your spouse has grown distant from you. Regardless, be proactive and get the conversation started. Let your spouse know that you realize it’s important to have an intimate connection in a relationship, especially in a marriage.

3.

Focus on how you can both meet each other’s needs. Tell your spouse that you realize you have both been unhappy with your love life and that you want to try to do something about it. If your partner responds with, “Well, I’ve heard that before”, don’t take it personally. Instead, ask your partner how you can meet their needs, sexual and otherwise. Discuss what your partner feels is lacking in your sexual relationship and what you feel is lacking, as well. ^[5]

• Often, couples with sexual problems also have other emotional issues that have not been worked out and are hovering over the relationship. You could be lacking sexual chemistry due to boredom in the bedroom, a low sex drive (for you or your partner), a negative body image (for you or your partner), exhaustion due to the stresses of life, or a lack of connection mentally and emotionally.^[6]
• Try to work together to identify possible causes of your lack of sexual chemistry. It can be difficult to talk about issues around sex. But as partners, you owe it to each other to be honest and to share any concerns around intimacy and sex.

  4·         Hear each other out. Don’t interrupt your partner when your partner is sharing any         feelings or concerns. Focus on listening before you respond or speak.

5.Ask if there are any specific issues or concerns. Try to get to the root of your issues. Don’t be afraid to be specific about your concerns, as this can lead to solutions to address them.

• If your partner brings up a feeling of boredom in the bedroom, think of ways to spice up your usual sex routine. Maybe your partner is feeling exhausted by their workday, or experiencing a negative image of their body. Discuss possible solutions to these issues, like taking less hours at work, going on a vacation just the two of you, or taking up exercise together.

                                                                  Method- 2                                                

                            Encouraging Sexual Chemistry

1.

Set the mood. This could be staging a romantic evening at home, with candles, a massage, and rose petals. Or it could mean thinking of a situation in the past where you were both turned on and feeling sexually connected. During these moments, were you taking more time for foreplay? Were you having sex in different positions, times of day, or locations? Try to create a situation where you were both turned on in the past and may be turned on now. ^[7]

• Some couples find it difficult to have sex after having children. If you cannot recreate some of the past situations where you were both sexual due to your current commitments, focus on adjusting your daily schedule to make time. Ask your in laws to take the kids for the night, or plan a weekend getaway, just the two of you. Though it may not be exactly how it was in the past, you can still create moments now where you both are in the mood.

·      2.Turn off any distractions. Agree to charge your cellphones on the kitchen counter and leave your laptops in the living room. Reclaim your bedroom for the two of you to be intimate together, rather than text messaging or email. Eliminate distractions that may be coming between you and your partner, especially in the bedroom.

           

1. 3.
   Experiment with novelty. Boredom is one of the major causes of sexual issues between married couples, especially when you both tend to fall into a routine or the usual go to positions in the bedroom. Discuss more adventurous positions or elements and be willing to try things you both haven’t done before to see if you both find them enjoyable. Don’t be afraid to experiment together. ^[9]

   • This could be as simple as taking a hot bath together, or a long massage with scented oils in bed. Sexy lingerie can also be a simple, but effective way to surprise your partner.
   • You both may be interested in certain kinds of touching, different sexual positions, or integrating sex toys into your sexual routine. Look up positions or toys online, or go to a sex shop together and have fun browsing. Keep the experimentation fun and light.

2.          

1. 4.Be open about your preferences. Rather than be embarrassed by your sexual desires, focus on being open and honest about what you prefer. Let your spouse know what you’re interested in doing, or trying, so you can both work together to create a healthy sexual relationship
2. • Use action-oriented terms and be specific. Rather than tell your partner, “I’d prefer we ‘make love’, rather than ‘have sex’”, describe what “making love” means to you. This could be something like, “I’d like us to spend more time kissing and touching”, or “I like it when you touch my hair or touch me lightly on my face.” It may seem strange to be so specific about your sexual needs, but the more detail you provide your partner, the more your partner can respond in kind.

5.

Show, rather than tell. It can be difficult to put into words the things that turn you on. Offer a “hands-on” demonstration and show your spouse what you like. Chances are, it will be clear very quickly what turns you on, and your spouse will be able to follow your lead. 

• Take turns showing each other how you like to be turned on. Be generous towards your spouse and focus on pleasing them. Your spouse should then do the same for you.
• If the prospect of showing your partner what you like seems uncomfortable, or daunting, get an “improve your sex life” self-help book and read it together at night. It will likely stimulate some great discussions and maybe some laughs.

6.

Schedule sex dates. Though it may seem formal to schedule in time for sex, this can act as a form of reassurance that you will both make sex a priority. Try scheduling sex dates on a trial basis for six months. Focus on meeting the date and getting together in an intimate way, even if you don’t have sex. This will help you to organize your time around being intimate, rather than trying to fit intimacy into your schedule. ^[12]

• If you find it hard to get in the mood during the scheduled time, start by cuddling together or flirting with each other. Give each other compliments or simply listen to each other’s day while lying in bed. Focus your full attention on your spouse and don’t let distractions get in the way of your sexual chemistry.

Method -3

                               Seeking Professional Help 

1.Get a medical check up. Schedule an appointment with your family doctor to rule out physical issues that may be causing your sexual issues. Check if any medications you are taking or any medical conditions you have may be a factor. .

• You may want to ask your doctor about possible remedies if you are experiencing a low sex drive or other sexual issues, such as impotency. Your doctor may suggest medication or dietary changes

1. 

·       2.Schedule an appointment with a sex therapist. A sex therapist is certified to help couples or individuals deal with sexual issues. You may be experiencing performance anxiety or impotency, or you and your partner may be having trouble sticking to a sex schedule or routine. If you and your partner are having issues discussing your sexual problems, or if you have sexual concerns, it may be time to consult a professional. ^[13]

• Most sex therapy sessions are one hour weekly meetings, for four to six months. To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists; the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, or the American Board of Sexology.^[14]

1. 3.Seek individual therapy. You may be working through your own personal problems, like body image issues, or psychological issues, and these may then be affecting your relationship with your spouse. Consider individual therapy, whether it is with a sex therapist or a general therapist. This may help you achieve a healthy self image that can then be channeled into your relationship with your spouse, in the bedroom and elsewhere. 

Cause : https://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Sex-Problems-in-Marriage

4 Sex Problems That May Be Hurting Your Relationship

 

Let’s be honest. Sexual problems can put a damper on your sex life, which means they can lead to some “not so pleasant” relationship issues, especially if they go unaddressed. Yikes!

So, what is considered a “sexual problem?” Well, sexual problems, also referred to as sexual dysfunctions, are any issues that arise before, during, or even after sexual activity.

More specifically, these problems can occur during any stage of the sexual response cycle, preventing you and your partner from receiving the “oh so necessary” sexual satisfaction and fulfillment you crave, during foreplay and/or sex.

According to current research, sexual dysfunctions occur more often than you may think. In fact, approximately 30% of men and 40% of women experience some level of “sexual dysfunction” with their partners during sexual activity. Unfortunately, however, most of us are reluctant to talk about these types of “issues” for fear of being judged.

The great news is that most sexual problems can be successfully treated – which explains why it is so important to discuss your concerns with your partner. Ignoring or pushing sexual issues aside can lead your relationship down a very rocky path.

If your partner is the type to “shy away” from talking about his sexual concerns with you, you can unearth these secrets by reading this article (a couple of times) and asking questions – lots of them, but not so many that you become annoying. You get my point.

Listed below are four sexual problems that could be hurting your relationship without you being aware of it:

1. Inability to Orgasm

Being unable to orgasm can undoubtedly wreak havoc on your sex life AND relationship. This condition primarily affects younger women between the ages of 20 and 24. It gradually decreases once women hit their 30s and 40s; however, it rises again when women hit their 50s due to hormonal changes. One of the possible causes of this condition is that women have more casual sex during their 20s, which may account for the lower incidences of orgasms.

Other reasons you may not be orgasming include not being sexually attracted to your partner anymore, overthinking about orgasming during sex, feeling guilty for enjoying sex, and/or having other things on your mind during sex.

Or, it could be that your partner is “too aggressive,” during sex. Regardless, an inability to orgasm can hurt your relationship, because everyone wants their partners to feel sexually satisfied, so if that isn’t happening; it can create problems in your relationship. Feelings of shame, guilt, and embarrassment can arise, causing the couple to grow apart.

2. Premature Ejaculation (PE)

Premature ejaculation refers to ejaculation (the release of semen from the body) that occurs before penetration or immediately after it – within one minute or less.

The exact cause of premature ejaculation varies, but the good news is that in most cases premature ejaculation can be fixed!  Men report this as one of their top sexual performance issues. In fact, according to Dr. Edward Laumann, sociologist, approximately 1/3 of American men report that they ejaculate too quickly for their liking.

How is it even possible not to be aware of your partner’s problem with premature ejaculation? It is possible to miss the signs, primarily because men with this issue often enter into relationships with women, who have little-to-no previous sexual experience.

Why is that? Well, these men feel more comfortable with novice sexual partners, who are unaware that they are experiencing premature ejaculation issues.

Ironically, inexperienced women often find out their partners are suffering from PE, not at the beginning of their relationships, but after dating for months or years or getting married. So, if you are curious if your partner is experiencing PE, ask yourself the following questions: “Does my partner “last” as long as I would like him to?” And, “How long does it take him to orgasm?” If the answer to the second question is “less than one minute,” then your partner may actually be suffering from PE.

3. Low Libido

Another common sexual problem that affects both men and women is low libido. What causes low libido? Well, for a man, low testosterone, the hormone responsible for male traits (i.e., pubic, facial, and body hair, deep voice, and muscle tone), can cause a low sex drive.

Testosterone also controls a man’s sexual desire and sperm production, so when it is low, it can not only negatively affect his libido but also prevent him from getting and staying “hard.”

For women, low libido may stem from a hormonal imbalance, past sexual trauma, stress, etc.

How can this affect your relationship? Well, it can cause your partner to avoid sex with you or you with him, which can lead to hurt feelings, low self-esteem, resentment, hostility, and indifference towards your partner and the relationship. The end result? The end of your relationship. Ouch!

4. Painful Sex

Painful sex can also damage a good relationship. How? Well, when sex is painful, you are more likely to avoid it. Women, who experience painful sex, tend to shy away from sexual activities with their partners. They may think it’s no big deal, but in reality, it can cause a myriad of relationship issues. If you withhold sex, for fear of pain, without talking to your partner about it, it can lead to hurt feelings and hostility from your partner.

The truth is sex shouldn’t be painful, but it is a common issue. What causes painful sex? Well, the exact cause varies, but it could be that your partner is “too rough” (thrusting too fast and hard during sex), or it could be that you are experiencing lubrication issues, due to changes in hormones, a hormonal imbalance, inadequate arousal – too little foreplay, etc. Your partner may be unaware that you are experiencing painful sex, so it’s important to talk to him about it and seek help if it continues.

In summary, sexual problems can plague both men and women, and even if you don’t feel as if they are affecting your relationship, they may be doing just that.

If the sex is painful, uncomfortable, or unsatisfying, it could prevent one or both of you from wanting to have sex. Over time, you and/or your partner may become resentful of the lack of sex in your relationship, causing you to grow apart from each other.

Keeping these issues to yourself only does more harm than good; therefore, it’s important to be open and


Cause: http://www.finerminds.com/love-relationships/4-sexual-problems

5 EMBARRASSING MALE SEXUAL ISSUES YOU'RE AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT

If you want to keep bringing your A-game to the bedroom, sometimes you need more than just experience and time on the “field.” When facing a “batting slump” or other problems that prevents you from having sex, it’s time to call in an expert.

In addition to damaging your ego, sexual issues may signal more serious health conditions. In most cases, these can be treated. Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor early on to determine the underlying cause, and develop a plan of action.

We talked to Culley Carson III, M.D., a urologist at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, about the five most common sexual problems men encounter, and what you can do about them.

                            

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at you can do about them.

1. ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION

Erectile dysfunction, also known as impotence, involves not being able to achieve or maintain enough of an erection to have sex. This is more than just a quality of life issue, though. To sustain an erection, the penis needs good blood flow. Erectile dysfunction, therefore, “can be the first sign of significant cardiac or vascular disease,” says Dr. Carson.

According to Dr. Carson, studies have shown that the majority of men seen in the emergency room for a cardiac event—such a heart attack or stroke—suffered from erectile dysfunction three to five years earlier. Treatment for erectile dysfunction involves first determining the underlying cause. This includes dealing with obesity, smoking, cholesterol, and other risk factors for cardiovascular disease.

In addition to modifying your lifestyle, there are several drugs available to treat erectile dysfunction, including Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis.

2. TESTOSTERONE DEFICIENCY SYNDROME

Testosterone deficiency syndrome, or hypogonadism, can affect not only your sexual performance, but also your bone health, energy level, muscle strength, and mood.

If you are having difficulty achieving or maintaining erections, your doctor may also order a simple morning blood test to rule out low testosterone as the underlying cause. Testosterone replacement therapy—such as with a gel—can help alleviate symptoms. Regular follow-up, though, is needed to ensure that you reach a reasonable range of testosterone, not an “NFL kind of level,” says Dr. Carson.

Not all men with low testosterone, however, experience symptoms. In that case, it’s best to leave things alon

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3. PEYRONIE’S DISEASE

Peyronie’s disease involves a narrowing or curvature of the penis. If severe enough, this condition can be painful, and may also prevent you from having sex.

Deformation of the penis is caused by scar tissue—possibly the result of a previous injury—that appears as a hard lump, more frequently on the upper side of the penis. In most cases, pain during erection goes away after one or two years, although the curvature usually remains.

In the past, surgery was one of the few treatment options available, with a risk of significant side effects. New methods are currently being tested, though, such as compounds that can be injected into the scar tissue to straighten the penis.

4. PROLONGED ERECTION (PRIAPISM)

Men who experience an erection lasting more than four hours should seek help in the emergency room. Treatment needs to occur within eight hours of the start of an erection to avoid permanent damage to the penis.

One cause of prolonged erections is medication used to treat erectile dysfunction. This is a rare side effect of pills like Viagra, but occurs more frequently when this type of drug is injected directly into the penis. This condition can also occur as a result of certain psychiatric medications, cocaine use, or sickle cell disease.

Treatment options include draining excess blood from the penis with a needle, medication to limit blood flow into the penis, or surgery.

5. EJACULATORY DYSFUNCTIONS

The most common type of ejaculatory dysfunction is premature ejaculation, one that occurs within two minutes of the start of sexual stimulation. Around a third of men experience this at some point.

“Premature ejaculation is actually more common in patients across the age groups than is erectile dysfunction,” says Dr. Carson. It is also the most common sexual dysfunction in men under 40. There are currently few treatments for premature ejaculation. Antidepressant medication is one option. Topical anesthetics applied to the penis may also delay ejaculation by decreasing sensation.

TIPS TO AVOID MALE SEXUAL ISSUES

Many sexual and performance issues can be “delayed, maybe even prevented, by the usual things—diet and exercise, stopping smoking, keeping weight down,” says Dr. Carson.

Even though medication may still be needed, proper diet and exercise can boost both testosterone levels and sexual function, as well as reduce the risk of other conditions, such as prostate cancer.

Routine visits to the doctor are also important, with regular screening for risk factors of cardiovascular disease. As with many medical conditions, “psychological issues are part of [male sexual issues] no matter how physical it is,” says Dr. Carson. In this case, to keep yourself in the game, you need to address not only the body, but also the mind.

Cause : https://www.muscleandfitness.com/women/sex-tips/five-embarrassing-male-sexual-issues